Lyric of the week.
On The Radio by Regina Spektor
"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"
Song Of The Week
Shady Esperanto And The Young Hearts by Stephen Kellogg And The Sixers
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
"As Good As It Has Been, I Wouldn't Change A Thing But I'd Also Never Go Back Again "
If you have not seen (500)Days Of Summer, please do yourself a favor and see it. It truly was a delight. And Joseph Gordon-Levitt....perfection. Honestly, everything about his character is everything I want in a man.
Adorable, funny, charming, smart, well dressed, and a person who wants love. Pretty much the type of man I would like to be with.
For now, I would just like someone to go to the movies with or just go out and have fun, nothing serious.
Although, I guess you never know if you will get serious with a person. The unplanned things always turn out better. You never do know who you will fall in love with.
I wonder, is there such a thing as soul mates? Are certain people meant to be together? Who knows, but I believe that in order to find that right person, a lot of mistakes are required. Not many people just fall in love once and never have their heartbroken.
And as someone who has had their heart shattered, I am glad it has happened for a number of reasons.
1. In the back of my mind I always knew it wouldn't last forever.
2. We were in different stages of our life and I've grown so much.
3. I experienced completely letting go and allowing myself to love someone for the first time.
4. Through that horrible heartache, I have discovered what a strong person I am and that my friends are truly amazing. It showed me how many people are there for me when I need them.
5. I now know how scary it is to be in love for fear of losing it. And when I lost it, it was hard, but now I know I can get through it. So when I fall again, I won't be afraid to lose it because I know I will always have my friends to get me through and there will always be another man.
Failed relationships also help, because sometimes they don't end in heartbreak, they just don't work. And you learn the things you like in a person and the things you don't. An ex boyfriend once told me "I only want to date someone I am going to marry." I didn't understand this because, we are young and don't need to think that far ahead, and we were happy, or so I thought. But I think people date and make mistakes because that way when that right person comes along, less mistakes are made.
What if you screw up because you don't have those past experiences to reference and you end up losing someone amazing? Now that would be heartbreaking.
In the end, time really does heal, it may take a few days, weeks, months or years, but eventually you get through and find someone better. And if you don't, you can always find something in yourself, or something comforting in your friends that can make you feel like your past breakup really isn't the end of the world. Stay positive, you never know who you will meet. <3
Adorable, funny, charming, smart, well dressed, and a person who wants love. Pretty much the type of man I would like to be with.
For now, I would just like someone to go to the movies with or just go out and have fun, nothing serious.
Although, I guess you never know if you will get serious with a person. The unplanned things always turn out better. You never do know who you will fall in love with.
I wonder, is there such a thing as soul mates? Are certain people meant to be together? Who knows, but I believe that in order to find that right person, a lot of mistakes are required. Not many people just fall in love once and never have their heartbroken.
And as someone who has had their heart shattered, I am glad it has happened for a number of reasons.
1. In the back of my mind I always knew it wouldn't last forever.
2. We were in different stages of our life and I've grown so much.
3. I experienced completely letting go and allowing myself to love someone for the first time.
4. Through that horrible heartache, I have discovered what a strong person I am and that my friends are truly amazing. It showed me how many people are there for me when I need them.
5. I now know how scary it is to be in love for fear of losing it. And when I lost it, it was hard, but now I know I can get through it. So when I fall again, I won't be afraid to lose it because I know I will always have my friends to get me through and there will always be another man.
Failed relationships also help, because sometimes they don't end in heartbreak, they just don't work. And you learn the things you like in a person and the things you don't. An ex boyfriend once told me "I only want to date someone I am going to marry." I didn't understand this because, we are young and don't need to think that far ahead, and we were happy, or so I thought. But I think people date and make mistakes because that way when that right person comes along, less mistakes are made.
What if you screw up because you don't have those past experiences to reference and you end up losing someone amazing? Now that would be heartbreaking.
In the end, time really does heal, it may take a few days, weeks, months or years, but eventually you get through and find someone better. And if you don't, you can always find something in yourself, or something comforting in your friends that can make you feel like your past breakup really isn't the end of the world. Stay positive, you never know who you will meet. <3
Thursday, August 27, 2009
"And Yet Of Course These Trinkets Are Endearing"
I am obsessed with clothes and shoes. Those of you who know me, probably already know that. I would go shopping all the time if I could. But as much as I love these things, I am still smart with my money. I saved up for my car, and continue having to make my payments, and yes I have credit cards, but I refuse to bring them with me when I shop to resist temptation because I want to have good credit, so I use them sparingly. Which is why I would not buy any of the following, yet these are somethings I would enjoy owning.
Here are some items I want for this winter/fall/when I go to New York and it is cold in April.
Short Tailored Trench Coat by Burberry
The greatest black pumps in the world by Christian Louboutin
This amazing purse from Dior
And of course, the necklace I have wanted FOREVER. The classic heart toggle necklace from Tiffany's & Co.
It is only 4 things, okay yes, everything on the list is over $300....oh well. Here is to wishing.
Monday, August 24, 2009
"ABC Easy As 123"
As I am writing my lesson plan for the week I have to stop and think, "Is this too hard for the kids?"
I work at two different elementary schools, both in the same school district, which means both cover the exact same curriculum, yet the kids are drastically different. One school's student body is filled with children of wealth, while the other is filled with kids who have parents that can barely speak English and have a low income.
All of them are great kids, but at the low income school, it is hard because most of the kids can't read, mind you I am taking care of 1st and 2nd grade, most of them can barely copy what I write on the board, let alone follow a simple instruction in an art lesson. When helping them with their homework they really struggle, and I know I have to help them as much as I can and get them to complete and understand it because their parents will not be much help. I know all their parents, and yes they are good people, but the majority of them have to have their kids speak for them because they can't speak English. So how are they going to help their child read the directions if they can barely read them?
It really just shows how different a child's learning curve can be changed by the way they are brought up.
At the more wealthy school the kids have no problems with reading and writing, well there is the occasional child who can't focus, but all kids go through that. But what they might find simple is more difficult for the children at the other school.
When I was in school and taking those big end of the year tests that take days and by the end of it you never want to fill-in another bubble, I never understood why you had to fill in your parent's education level. But now I understand because it really does effect the child. I guess that is why after school programs, like the one I work at, were developed. I am glad if I can help in any way in furthering a child's education. I'm determined to have them read, and actually enjoy it. Even if I only end up helping one child, I will be satisfied.
I work at two different elementary schools, both in the same school district, which means both cover the exact same curriculum, yet the kids are drastically different. One school's student body is filled with children of wealth, while the other is filled with kids who have parents that can barely speak English and have a low income.
All of them are great kids, but at the low income school, it is hard because most of the kids can't read, mind you I am taking care of 1st and 2nd grade, most of them can barely copy what I write on the board, let alone follow a simple instruction in an art lesson. When helping them with their homework they really struggle, and I know I have to help them as much as I can and get them to complete and understand it because their parents will not be much help. I know all their parents, and yes they are good people, but the majority of them have to have their kids speak for them because they can't speak English. So how are they going to help their child read the directions if they can barely read them?
It really just shows how different a child's learning curve can be changed by the way they are brought up.
At the more wealthy school the kids have no problems with reading and writing, well there is the occasional child who can't focus, but all kids go through that. But what they might find simple is more difficult for the children at the other school.
When I was in school and taking those big end of the year tests that take days and by the end of it you never want to fill-in another bubble, I never understood why you had to fill in your parent's education level. But now I understand because it really does effect the child. I guess that is why after school programs, like the one I work at, were developed. I am glad if I can help in any way in furthering a child's education. I'm determined to have them read, and actually enjoy it. Even if I only end up helping one child, I will be satisfied.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
"Catch Me I'm Falling, Flying Head First Into Fate"
I just read, Falling Man by Don DeLillo...and I thought Revolutionary Road was bad. Good thing is that this book is significantly shorter. The story is about life after 9/11. It follows a man named Keith, who worked at the towers, and his family. Well if you call them a family. The whole book, to simply put it, was a mess. It was all over the place. Never really quite clear as to who is speaking, the dialogue is awful and the only redeeming part of this book is the last 10 pages. Everything that went on throughout the story was pointless. It was an amoeba of a plot. I don't recommend this to anyone.
I need to read a classic to get over this bad book curse. On to Jane Eyre!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
"Omigod, Omigod You Guys"
I just went and saw Legally Blonde the Musical at the Pantages, courtesy of my sister. She bought the tickets as a Mother's Day gift. Our seats were perfect. The show was nonstop fun. I was sad to see the sets were different from the Broadway stage, but that is what typically has to happen in a touring company since not all theatres can accommodate such large sets. Either way, it didn't make that big of a difference. Everyone did a fantastic job, and I don't think I have laughed that hard at a Broadway show since I saw Hairspray in New York 5 years ago. This would be such a fun ensemble to be in, tons of dancing and costume changes. It was also cool to see those 2 girls who were on the MTV show "Search For The Next Elle Woods" in the show. It was a great Sunday, if you are a girl you will love this show. Go see it if you have a chance.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
"I've Always Been Shy, I Confess That I'm Shy..."
"Can't you guess that this confident air
Is a mask that I wear 'cause I'm shy"
When I was younger, I was ridiculously shy. You can ask my friend Crystal, I couldn't even order my own sandwich at Subway because I didn't want to talk to the workers. It wasn't until I hit Jr. High that I became slightly more outgoing, but by the time I was in high school I was extremely outgoing. It was a mixture of becoming secure with who I am as a person, and knowing that I get one life, why waste it being afraid? Afraid to say something stupid, or look dumb. Who cares?
I find that I am no longer a shy person, but when it comes to certain situations, I find myself stuck, and back to being that little girl who can't order a sandwich. It is very annoying. I could never, not now at least, ask out a guy. I just can't. I have been fortunate enough to always have the guy take the initiative. But I am finding, now that I am I older, that I am going to have to take the first step every once in a while. Which is very disturbing for me. Call me old fashion, I just prefer a guy who will ask me out. And I'm not saying it even needs to be a full on date, we could just hang out, I even prefer that sometimes. I feel like I keep hitting the same wall. I think he is attractive, we will talk, I think he is flirting, although it is hard to know if it is just his personality since I don't know anything about him outside of what he tells me, and since I am unsure of this, I don't make the next step of wanting to do something because I do not want to be turned down because I have misread signals. Maybe I am not shy, but I have a fear of rejection...then again who doesn't? No one wants that.
Here I am, wanting a guy to take the initiative, thinking to myself, "It is not that hard.", when I can't even do it. I'm sure I am not the only one afraid of being told "No thank you."
Once given a slight push, I am not shy. If he asks me to hang out I'm not going to be shy, it is just the initial step that I need. I know that I will not have the guts to ask a guy out anytime soon, which is a complete bummer, but then again, I want a guy who will ask me out. I like assertive guys. I'm nice, don't be afraid. If only it were that simple.
Oh and update on Revolutionary Road. Although I thought the book was shit-tastic, I really enjoyed the movie because Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet were amazing.
Is a mask that I wear 'cause I'm shy"
When I was younger, I was ridiculously shy. You can ask my friend Crystal, I couldn't even order my own sandwich at Subway because I didn't want to talk to the workers. It wasn't until I hit Jr. High that I became slightly more outgoing, but by the time I was in high school I was extremely outgoing. It was a mixture of becoming secure with who I am as a person, and knowing that I get one life, why waste it being afraid? Afraid to say something stupid, or look dumb. Who cares?
I find that I am no longer a shy person, but when it comes to certain situations, I find myself stuck, and back to being that little girl who can't order a sandwich. It is very annoying. I could never, not now at least, ask out a guy. I just can't. I have been fortunate enough to always have the guy take the initiative. But I am finding, now that I am I older, that I am going to have to take the first step every once in a while. Which is very disturbing for me. Call me old fashion, I just prefer a guy who will ask me out. And I'm not saying it even needs to be a full on date, we could just hang out, I even prefer that sometimes. I feel like I keep hitting the same wall. I think he is attractive, we will talk, I think he is flirting, although it is hard to know if it is just his personality since I don't know anything about him outside of what he tells me, and since I am unsure of this, I don't make the next step of wanting to do something because I do not want to be turned down because I have misread signals. Maybe I am not shy, but I have a fear of rejection...then again who doesn't? No one wants that.
Here I am, wanting a guy to take the initiative, thinking to myself, "It is not that hard.", when I can't even do it. I'm sure I am not the only one afraid of being told "No thank you."
Once given a slight push, I am not shy. If he asks me to hang out I'm not going to be shy, it is just the initial step that I need. I know that I will not have the guts to ask a guy out anytime soon, which is a complete bummer, but then again, I want a guy who will ask me out. I like assertive guys. I'm nice, don't be afraid. If only it were that simple.
Oh and update on Revolutionary Road. Although I thought the book was shit-tastic, I really enjoyed the movie because Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet were amazing.
Friday, August 7, 2009
"What The Hell Am I Doing Here? I Don't Belong Here"
That is pretty much what goes through the minds of Frank and April Wheeler throughout this entire story. I have finally finished reading Revolutionary Road. It took me forever because I didn't like the book at all. I couldn't get past the constant complaining and arguing. "our lives are horrible" "I'm not living the life I thought I would" "I don't love you" "I don't want kids" "Our house and neighbors suck" blah blah blah. I'm going to rent the movie to see if I like that better. I'm really bummed I didn't like it because it made the 400+page book difficult to get through. All they do is think certain events or places will make them happy, and I just feel a person should be happy with the life they lead because wanting what you can't have isn't going to make you happy. It is good to strive for something better and have goals, but never being happy with what you have is not going to get you anywhere, and I just found the book boring. And it was a sad end to a depressing book.
I normally keep all of my books, but if anyone wants this one, I will gladly give it to you.
On the plus side, I have finished 5 books this year. My goal is 6....not a large number but last year I didn't read at all and the year before that all I read was the new Harry Potter book. I figure it is about time I start reading more and watching TV less. One more book to reach my goal!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
"Life Is Good, Life Is Sweet, Grab Yourself A Front Row Seat"
Lately I have been frustrated with a number of things. Mainly my agent and my lack of money now that I bought myself a new car. I do not regret buying my car, because it is the best thing I have ever owned, but the monthly payments are always on my mind, and it is just a problem having to worry about setting money aside and then not having money to do anything else since I am also saving so I can move sometime next summer.
Today during my CPR class, it is required we take it every year for my job, this woman says that she needs people to work an after school learning program. I immediately jump after the offer, so does my mom, because we both wanted second jobs. I was going to look around the mall, but the last thing I want to do is retail, and I needed a job flexible enough that if I have an audition, I can go. To make a long story short, my mom and I both got jobs working the after school program from 2-6. Downside is that my other job is from 8-1:45. Long day, every day of the week...except weekends of course. But the great thing about both jobs is that the hours are set, they both pay really well, I get to work with kids, and if I ever need to leave for an audition I have a list of subs who can take over for me. I am so blessed to have found 2 jobs in a time when people can hardly find one, and 2 jobs that will be okay with me taking off time for acting. Now with this job in addition to my other one, car payments will no longer be an issue.
Another piece of good news.
My dad is basically my manager, he always sets up interviews for me to meet with agents, he finds me classes, etc. Today I get a text from him, during my CPR class, saying I have an interview on September 2nd for a new commercial agent. My current agent only ever sends me out on theatrical auditions, which is fine, I can't complain, but I really want to go on more commercial auditions. My interview is with Abrams Artist Agency which is in the top 10 agencies in Los Angeles. I am very excited to be meeting them, and hopefully that goes well so I can start going on more auditions.
Today was a perfect day, plus I went shopping and bought some cute clothes, and tomorrow I am spending the day at the beach. Life is good.
Today during my CPR class, it is required we take it every year for my job, this woman says that she needs people to work an after school learning program. I immediately jump after the offer, so does my mom, because we both wanted second jobs. I was going to look around the mall, but the last thing I want to do is retail, and I needed a job flexible enough that if I have an audition, I can go. To make a long story short, my mom and I both got jobs working the after school program from 2-6. Downside is that my other job is from 8-1:45. Long day, every day of the week...except weekends of course. But the great thing about both jobs is that the hours are set, they both pay really well, I get to work with kids, and if I ever need to leave for an audition I have a list of subs who can take over for me. I am so blessed to have found 2 jobs in a time when people can hardly find one, and 2 jobs that will be okay with me taking off time for acting. Now with this job in addition to my other one, car payments will no longer be an issue.
Another piece of good news.
My dad is basically my manager, he always sets up interviews for me to meet with agents, he finds me classes, etc. Today I get a text from him, during my CPR class, saying I have an interview on September 2nd for a new commercial agent. My current agent only ever sends me out on theatrical auditions, which is fine, I can't complain, but I really want to go on more commercial auditions. My interview is with Abrams Artist Agency which is in the top 10 agencies in Los Angeles. I am very excited to be meeting them, and hopefully that goes well so I can start going on more auditions.
Today was a perfect day, plus I went shopping and bought some cute clothes, and tomorrow I am spending the day at the beach. Life is good.
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