"Truth Be Told, I Miss You"

Still, I can't get over the fact that my grandpa Dave is no longer here. My parents got back from Texas and listening to the stories of his funeral just made me realize even more that I will never see him again. I read his obituary in the Laredo newspaper, and my dad brought me home some stuff from my grandparents' house. I can't believe that both of them are gone. When we go to Texas this summer it will definitely not be the same. Especially since we will stay at my grandparents' house...where neither of them will be. Talk about different. It was strange enough not getting to see my grandma there, now the house is empty because they aren't going to sell it for at least another year. He was only 74! I am in shock really. It has almost been a week, and it is still unfathomable to me. I guess God was ready to bring him home. I just wasn't.

"Happy Birthday To You"

Last night was definately a difficult one, and if it weren't for my sister I doubt I wouldn't have made it through that well. I spent the night at my sister's house, and her husband offered to sleep on the couch, which was very nice of him. So my sister and I went to go to sleep and I just couldn't stop crying. All I could think about was my grandpa. Thank goodness she was there to hold my hand and take care of me, because I was getting a wee bit hysterical again. Then she managed to take my mind off of it and we just talked. It was nice.
Today was my 19th birthday. It was okay, pretty uneventful, but it was nice going to dinner with my friends. I love them all so much. I guess it was just hard to be really happy knowing I wasn't going to get my "happy birthday" call from my grandpa this year.

"Did I ever tell you you're my hero?"

This can’t be happening. I can’t believe grandpa Dave died. He was such a strong person…how can the doctors not find cancer in a man who visits the doctor at least once a month. The cancer was spread throughout his entire body. I feel as though I have lost all of my grandparents now…my grandma died a few years ago, and in all honesty I don’t feel like my dad’s parents are my grandparents, they are just two people I see once every 5 to 8 years. I loved my grandpa so much, and I am beyond sad that I can no longer see him. I am happy that he is getting the military funeral, with a 21 gun salute, he always wanted that. And he is being buried next to my grandma, whom I am also missing like crazy. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. But I know that now they can be together in a much better place. I’m not going to the funeral in Texas, I can’t handle it. I don’t want to see my grandfather being put into the ground, which is not the way I want to remember him. I want the last memories to be of this past summer when he was my strong Grandpa Dave, who made good BBQ and ice cream floats, and complaining about how is brand new car is getting old and that he needs another new car. Or how he doesn’t like all the stray cats in the neighborhood coming to his house….well duh grandpa you leave food on the porch for them! :] Or watching Walk the Line with him and having him giving me his Elvis and Johnny Cash records….both of us were very big fans. I am going to miss him so much; I loved him more than I can say. I’ve been crying nonstop for over an hour. Even though I wouldn’t get to see him as often as I liked, I was always happy when I was there. When I was a very little girl and I would pretend to die dramatically in his living room he would say “Someone get this girl an Oscar she is going to be an actress!” I will never forget his praise about Beauty and The Beast and Aida; he told me that he would tell all his friends about his talented granddaughter. I love him so much. As a man of the military, he would rarely show his emotions, and last summer as I left his house and hugged me and told me that he loved me. It was the most special moment I have ever had with him. Never had he said that, I always knew he did, but he never says things like that, I cried when I left because I knew that when he said it he really meant it. It was beautiful. My mom said that before he died he said to her that he loved “Sandy, Danny and Tati very much.” I wish I could just have my grandpa and grandma back, but I know that God is taking care of them. I will never forget you; I can’t wait to be able to tell my kids stories about you.

I love you Grandpa Dave, God bless you.

"They Seek Him Here, They Seek Him There"

"THOSE FRENCHES SEEK HIM EVERYWHERE!"

This weekend was a blast! On Friday I was I Love You Man. TOTES MAGOTES! It was awesome. Saturday was really fun. I cleaned my desk, inside and out, it looks lovely, I must say, while listening to the oldies, which never get old. Then my dad, my sister, my brother and his girlfriend all went to dinner and to see The Scarlet Pimpernel.
Now at first I was skeptical because it was a very small stage and it was in a round. But they used their space really well, it was nice production. The man who played the pimpernel....AMAZING. He was so funny, and his voice was beautiful. Marguerite was good, but her French accent was over the top and annoying at some points. Chauvelin....GRRRR....literally, he would growl. It was obnoxious, I was thinking "uh...you're not playing the beast..." But when he sang "Where's The Girl", he redeemed himself. The male ensemble was very good. Creation of Man was exactly what it needed to be, very funny, well sung, good choreography, perfect costumes, they were wonderful nincompoops! Overall, I had a really good time and I wouldn't mind seeing it again. Maybe I will, tickets are cheap. I'll make Kacie come with me, she has grow up with me listening to the music so I think she should at least see the show once to know the story line better! Kacie if you are reading this, let's go see it!

hm...let's get back on track shall we?

Today, my family came over to celebrate my birthday which is on Tuesday. Meet Moritz, the Ipod Touch.

He is beautiful. This week is going to be really fun, so I will be posting a lot. Adios!

"To Be Safe, We Lose Our Chance Of Ever Knowing What's Around The Riverbend"

I guess it is the combination of listening to Pocahontas and having lunch with Amanda that has made me feel like I need to take more risks. I am the person who will never tell someone I like them unless they told me first. I could like someone and they will never know, luckily the guys I like I do actually end up dating, I guess my flirting is always obvious. I always seem to just have a boyfriend, which is good, but I've never just dated to see how things go. I find that now I am at an age when I just want to date. Now here is my dilemma. I don't know what to do when I have multiple guys telling me they like me, I never want to hurt anyone, that is the last thing I want to ever do. I feel like I would be cheating on one with the other if I go on a date with someone else or if I flirt with other people. But I always remember, I don't have a boyfriend, but I think out of respect I should never go on a date with one person and then another with someone else. I guess I just don't know what to do since I have never been in this situation. I know that I don't want to be in a relationship any time soon because I am just not into having anything serious right now. I just want to have fun, especially since summer is coming, I want to hang out with my friends at the beach and not have to worry about having a boyfriend to care about. I just want to live my life right now not knowing what is going to happen, and be spontaneous and take risks and have fun.
At lunch Amanda and I talked about our lives and guys, and I really wish I had the guts to says the things she thinks I should say, but I don't. Part of me just wishes I had the courage to say certain things to a person, or like she said "just invite him to lunch", but I don't want to risk looking stupid, but then I think I will always think about "what if". What if I do and he says yes. I am being vague because I am pretty sure I just decided I wanted to act on something this morning. I know I probably won't end up saying a thing, and I don't want anyone on here asking me who I am talking about because I'll probably just be over this by the end of the day. This is all very random and I am talking in circles, I have way too many thoughts running through my head so I will drop this subject.
I had a fun week. I spent the day with Rob yesterday which was nice, I always enjoy our time together, plus we watched Titanic which is the best, and then The Punisher was really good. Tonight I am seeing I Love You Man with Javier, Stephanie, Josue and hopefully Amanda, and I hope that is really funny.

I WISH I COULD SAY SOMETHING! But I play it safe. I am so sick of playing things safe. WHAT IS AROUND THE RIVERBEND? Huh Pocahontas?!
Tell me.

"You Watch Me, Just Watch Me"

Well it has been a while. Recently I went to Jazz Pop, which was fun to see my best friend Amanda perform. I finally got to go to church for the first time in two weeks, I missed it so I'm glad I finally wasn't busy to go. Ah! Last night was amazing. I was on youtube and this person had a video from Spring Awakening with the tour cast, and it was really good quality and I sent them a message asking them where they got it, and they then sent me the entire show! So pretty much, I get to watch it whenever I want and it is amazing. Not much has been happening, just hanging out with friends, it has been fun. This weekend I am seeing A Chorus Line, and The Scarlet Pimpernel, then Sunday the family is coming over to celebrate my birthday which will be nice. Have a nice week everybody!

"Seasons of Love"

Oh man, words can not express how much I loved Rent! The cast was amazing, simply amazing. I saw the show on Saturday with Nicole and Kacie and her family. Nicole and I were beyond excited, poor Kacie was tired from a long day of school, but she loved it too. When the sang "Rent" I got chills, the entire show I had chills. Mimi had such a beautiful voice, and Angel was so fun and man could he dance. Now...Anthony Rapp....oh dear heavens, I love him so much! He was adorable and so into the show, no one will ever be a better Mark, I am so happy that he was reprising his role. Adam Pascal, the love of my life, my Radames, was brilliant. His voice just, ahh, makes me melt, plus I love looking at him so it helped. Everyone was so talented, it is the best show I've ever seen...well it is tied with Spring Awakening, because I love my Blake Bashoff and Kyle Riabko.

"You Can Like The Life You're Livin', You Can Live The Life You Like"

I was thinking this morning as I woke up about how blessed I am. I have a great family and good friends, a place to live, food to eat, a job, and so many other material items that aren't necessary to living a good life, but they are luxuries I enjoy. But what is it that I truly want out of my life right now?
I know that acting is everything to me, and there isn't anything else I love more, so I know that I definately want to start acting outside of class. Hopefully when I put my new headshots up on LA Casting and Actors Access, I can start going on auditions. I so desperately want to act.

My current job, I love. I love every single child there and I am so happy I can be around such wonderful little kids every day. When i'm older I know I want 4 or 5 kids, so it is nice to have 90 kindergarten kids right now. But as much as I love them, I really want to start working in the special ed department, because those kids are very inspiring, I enjoy when I get to interact with them.

For the first time in my life, I want a guy who can be romantic, because I have never had that. I'm not saying I want some big flashy romantic guy, because I hate that. I just want to be surprised with a little note, heck I'd take a cute little facebook or myspace comment. I have never been the romantic type, but I wouldn't mind being surprised with a flower. And nothing special, I would take a daisy over a rose any day. But romance aside, because I don't think most guys are like that, I just want someone who isn't afraid to care.
Life right now is really wonderful, those 3 things would make it incredible. I am content with where I am and I have no complaints, nor should I. But I would be a ridiculously happy person to achieve just one of those things.

"Cause The Day I Thought I'd Never Get Through, I Got Over You"

YES! Finally!
I'm not going to write because I have work in about 10 minutes and I think my title explains everything. I woke up this morning and I am so happy to be 100% over him. I don't care at all anymore! Well I care as a friend but whatever. This is such a good feeling you have no idea. Life is amazing right now! I am so happy and so many things are new and fun and I am just going along for the ride. I love where I am right now and I know things can only get better. I am so happy today and I don't know why. I just woke up and I feel amazing. I love days like this!

"We Like To Party, We Like, We Like To Party"

Not that I went to any parties, but this weekend has been really funny. Let's start with Friday, shall we?
My long day at work was extremely boring, and I feel like I was there for much longer than I actually was, but standing all day outside isn't very fun. But that night Amanda, Natalie and I went down to the Americana to eat dinner at the cheesecake factory, which was good, we didn't have cheesecake but it was still good. On the way there we sang and danced in the car and performed for people during traffic, some enjoyed it, some pretended not to see us, others thought we were just crazy. Then after dinner and everything we came back to Valencia, went to Cold Stone, drove over to Conner's house to pay a quick visit and dance around the car to the Jonas Brothers. Then at 11 we went to the movies, and these two guys and this girl asked us what movie we were seeing, which was dumb there was only one movie left playing that night, clearly we were seeing the Jonas Brothers in 3D. They decided to see it too, and the guys were weird because they sat behind us and then kept climbing over the seats to sit next to us. So we moved down front on the side you enter on where there was no stairs and we danced because its a concert, that's what you do, and plus we were getting bored. But as we were dancing, either Amanda or Natalie stepped on my toe, and I was wearing sandals, and my whole toe nail, on the toe next to my foot, got bent back and it is probably going to fall out. I'll save you the details, but there was a lot of blood, and now I have a limp...fun. Who knew Jonas Brother 3D concerts would be so dangerous? Then they spent the night and we fell asleep and then woke up to Titanic.
Saturday, Natalie and I picked up Zoey and we went to the Shakespeare Festival to support our friends who were doing scenes. This is where our group Fetish was started, no you can't join, unless you get approved by the President and VP. Also know as me and Zoey. We were there from about 12 to 5. Then we dropped Natalie off at home and Zoey and I were bored and didn't want to go home so we went to Kyle's to hang out with him and Greg. Then we all got bored so we went to Blockbuster to find a movie, which took forever because no one could decide, then we bought candy and went to Greg's. We watched The Happening, which could have been good, if Mark Wahlberg wasn't the main actor...It was fun but I had really bad allergies because I played with Kyle's dog while we were at his house, so Greg gave me some medicine, which I don't think kicked in until I got home at 2:30 because I was up until about 4, but I was feeling better, I didn't know non drowsy meant, keeps you up all night. It has been a fun weekend and today will be fun too.