As I looked back over this past year I looked at the two biggest changes, both of which were the ending of relationships. My parent’s relationship and mine and Raber’s. Now clearly there is a huge difference in the relationships, the length, the importance, the ages, the responsibility, my parent’s relationship was by far more advanced then our short, almost 10 month stint, but both hold a common factor. Both relationships fell out of love. Now, what I can’t understand is how people fall out of love, or how love ends. Was it really love? Or did you just trick yourself into thinking it was?
I remember I was always the one kid who didn’t have divorced parents, that my parents were so happy. What changes that? Well I know several things that changed it for my parents, but it is still sad to see a couple once in love no longer in love. The dynamic between them changes completely.
The day this past summer when Raber told me he had fallen in love with me was such an amazing moment. I remember it clearly, I thought when he said “I have something to say to you” meant he wanted to break up, but when he told me that he loved me I was so happy and I was excited to be able to say it back. For the first time I had fallen in love and I never wanted that happy feeling to go away. But then when he tells me this February that he is no longer in love with me, probably one of the worst days I’ve had, I was destroyed.
How can a love change so quickly? One day he says “I am so madly in love with you, I can’t even explain it.” And the next he says “I don’t think I’m mature enough to handle this relationship.” What is so hard about loving someone? I don’t get it. If you love someone you should be happy to be there for them, through anything. I think it is people’s fear of commitment rather than their maturity level that can end a relationship. Which is sad because I loved him as much as I think it is possible to love another person. Now when I see Raber, my friend Raber, it is somewhat strange because it is such a drastic change between us. I still feel comfortable around him and we still talk and hang out on occasion, but it is not the same, and it never will be again.
When I see my parents I can tell things aren’t the same because they are just friends, and it’s easy for me to get used to, but I’m sure it isn’t for them. Both of these endings have been hard for me to deal with, I just hope the time comes soon when I’m okay with my parents not being together, that one I think has been the hardest ending to overcome, and I know it will continue to be hard.
I think it is horrible to see love die. It is even worse when it happens to you. I just pray that I can have a relationship with a man who will truly love me and always be there for me. That is the one thing I want more than anything in this world. I could be homeless, but if I had that one person to love I would be just fine. I pray that everything works out well for everyone who is currently in a committed relationship, because it is hard to wake up knowing someone you loved is no longer a person you can love.
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You asked "What is so hard about loving someone?" The answer is: nothing. Nothing is hard about loving someone. I think it's one of the most natural, easiest things in the world. Unfortunately there are other things that get in the way. Commitment phobias, differing interests, and growing apart are just some of the thousands of things that get in the way. These are the types of things that are hard and that people have to work on themselves. I don't think anyone ever has to "work on" loving someone else if they truly love them. Like our parents. They still love each other but everything else in their lives together came to a point that it couldn't be worked on anymore. Maybe someday they'll work on it again, maybe they won't. What's most important for them now at their stages in life is to be happy and keep the family love they still have. As for you, I'm confident you will find the true love of your life, even if it feels like you've already lost him. I was lucky enough to find mine early. We've gone through some difficult times even in the short six years we've known each other but we got through them together. Things may have been difficult but the love... that was easy.
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