Saturday, February 21, 2009

"One Sided Love, Is Never Gonna Work"

I just got home from church, which was wonderful as usual, but I feel like I went with a stranger at some points of the night. Then I came to realize, this "friendship" wouldn't be there if I didn't put so much effort into it. I make the effort to stay in contact, to make plans that he never wants to go through, I think that if he never paid for his ticket, Rent would not be an option. I'm just getting sick of this one sided friendship. I miss him as a friend but I have a feeling he doesn't want to be mine, if he did maybe he would put some effort in every once in a while. When I see him he is cordial, he is a great person there is no denying that. But I find the lack of caring somewhat rude. I would just appreciate some kind of "hey want to watch a movie?" nothing major. I don't get it and it makes me want to just not be friends because it is just so much work. But then he is there when I need him the most. I'm probably just overthinking but I really don't enjoy feeling this way, as though I really don't matter to this person, even though he says I do and that he will always be there...but for how long? Part of me knows he is sincere but then I feel like he says these things because he knows I would like to hear them. Why can't people just be honest? Honestly. Im am done trying, it is his turn. And I bet we won't even be friends once I stop putting in my effort.

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