"Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend..."

"...You have been the one for me."
Today has been horrible. I had a feeling that things between Raber and I were a little off. I went to his house after leaving work early for feeling sick. I'm extremely sad to say that we are no longer together. Our almost 10 months together were some of the happiest months of my life. I love him very much, but if he no longer has feelings for me I guess we can't be together, no matter how much I cry. People tell me to give it time, that I deserve better, but in all honesty he was everything I have ever wanted. I feel stupid for still caring this much, and that I shouldn't feel like I need him, but I do. He is, or was, my best friend and my whole world has been destroyed in one single day. I'm losing everything. I've never been this close to anyone in my life, and to have it ripped away is extremely hard for me. I know I'm acting like I'm the only person in the world who has had her heartbroken, and I know I'm not. I just can't handle this and I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this. I'm sure, like everyone has said, that in time I will be okay, I just so desperately want that time to come already. Or at least I want numbness to set in. I would rather feel nothing then the pain that I feel right now. My life is falling apart around me, and I just want it to be done falling apart, it has taken its toll on me and I'm just so tired of being sad. I wish that things could be different, that we were older and feelings of love wouldn't be scary and that people wouldn't have been pushed away, but life isn't perfect is it? This couldn't have come at a worse time, not that there is ever a good time, but I really needed him to be here and help me, but he isn't here....and there isn't anything I can do about it.